2005-06-30

I still want Poutine.

Very Canadian
You scored 85 Canada speak and 91 Canadianess!
Nicely done! You could be one of us. You probably know someone who owns a Ski-Doo up at their cottage.



My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 66% on Canada speak
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 66% on Canadianess
Link: The Ultimate Canadian Test written by echox2 on Ok Cupid

2005-06-28

'One nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.'*

*certain restrictions may apply

Staff Sgt. Christoper Piper, 43, served in both Afghanistan and Iraq and was awarded a bronze star for his combat service. The Green Beret died when his convoy was bombed June 3 in Afghanistan and a right-wing Protestant Christian church group from Topeka, Kansas is planning to demonstrate at Piper's funeral services at the Old North Church. They claim U.S. soldiers like Piper are dying because the country is being punished for its tolerance of what they see as immoral behavior, such as homosexuality.


For the record, Staff Sargeant Piper leaves a wife and children. This same group has been protesting for the past few weeks in different Massachusetts towns and police have been protecting their freedom of speech.

That doesn't make it any less disgusting that they would protest at a soldier's funeral.

Social legislation I could only dream about...

Paternity leave schemes in Denmark and Iceland are among the most generous in the world - and new statistics prove the benefits to society, experts say.

Last year, nearly all Icelandic fathers used their entitlement to three months off work on 80% of their salary.

The new paternity law came into effect in 2002. Iceland now has Europe's second highest birth rate after Turkey.

More Danish men are taking paternity leave now - 46,000 in 2004. New parents can share a year of paid leave there.

In 2004, Danish fathers spent an average of 3.6 weeks off work with their babies, compared with the mothers' average of 42.3 weeks.


Not only have divorce rates gone down, but it seems that when fathers take a more active role in raising the first child, the couple is more likely to be more stable in general and to have more children. Not that the world needs more babies, but family stability is a nice thing. As is the idea that fathers might take an active role in raising their children and be happy and proud to do it! And be recognised by society as doing a good thing!

I dream big. What can I say?

2005-06-27

A birthday gift!

From Cingular! My first bill! Oooh!

Okay, hardly exciting. It just seemed funny when I opened the mailbox and that's all that was in there.

I've already gotten a bunch of happy birthdays today, the first two from my roommate just after midnight and when she woke me up to say goodbye before heading off for the week. Getting woken up at 6am wasn't really necessary, but I just smiled and rolled over and went back to sleep.

Stupid CNN

CNN's QuickVote Poll right now is asking about gas prices: 'Is your budget able to absorb higher gas prices? Yes, I can afford higher prices; No, I’ve cut other items to pay for gas'

What about a third option: 'I have chosen to use public transit more often, or to carpool, or to walk, or to find other ways to reduce my gas consumption.'

Just a thought.

2005-06-25

Paul Rudd...

...totally hot.



I'm watching 'Object of My Affection' for the hundredth time right now and once again I am lusting after Paul Rudd's wardrobe.

And Paul Rudd himself, of course.

Dumbass

Remind me not to decide to bake bread when it's going to be 36C out.

Also, it's amazing how much drama and entertainment $7.50 worth of drinks buys you in this city! And I've not even been here a month yet!

2005-06-24

Happy St-Jean!

I want poutine. *whine*

2005-06-23

Strangest dream ever

The context for this dream is that my roommate is going to see our mutual ex-boyfriend, who was the guy that I dated in high school who had grown up on the South Shore and who was the reason that I first heard about McGill and then decided to apply. Actually, we had broken up by the time I applied, but, obviously, it worked out well anyway. We ran into each other a few times while I was in Montreal and I heard about him through the grapevine while I was there. He IM'ed me a bunch of times and I ignored him because I didn't feel that I had anything to say. And it was always awkward when we would run into each other at a club or something. I'm not really sure why. I honestly don't remember specifically why we broke up other than the fact that he was getting really frustrated about the whole situation (which was understandable, but a bit of a long story to get into here just to contextualise the dream). All the same, I think it was just one of those high school relationships that wasn't really destined to go anywhere. According to my roommate, he's finally gotten his shit together--which was definitely something that he really really needed to do.

And now he's down visiting old friends in Boston with his family. And she's going to see him tomorrow. When she first mentioned that she was going last week she said I could go if I wanted to and I just didn't respond, pretended that I didn't hear. I'm not really sure why. I thought about trying to get in touch with him before I left Montreal but didn't really make a concerted effort to do so. And now I have the chance to see him. I could just tell my roommate when she gets home--even tomorrow--that I wanted to come along. She wouldn't care and I'm sure he wouldn't either. I don't have any strong bad feelings towards him at this point. Yet I don't have any strong good feelings towards him either. Do I sound like I'm trying to convince myself of something?

And now to the dream.

It involved roller blading which, if you know me, is strange enough to begin with, because roller blades scare the shit out of me. It gets stranger, though, because it involved roller blading down I-93 from the town I grew up in towards Boston with my best friend from high school and a few other people, including the ex, but not my now current roommate. As usual in dreams, the ex looked nothing like how he actually looks, but I knew it was he.

So, we're roller blading down the highway, along with cars, as if this were entirely normal. And I'm way out in front a lot of the time, which made me more of a target for the traffic, which was made up mostly of obnoxiously large pick-up trucks.

We weren't going to Boston, though, we were going to the Stone Zoo, which is the most ghetto zoo I've ever been to. Major the Polar Bear used to live there and it was really sad because his enclosure was all concrete and very 1950s. Architecturally kind of nice, but not somewhere I'd want to live as a polar bear. All day he would walk around the edge of his pool on the other side of which was a fifty foot drop in a sort of gentle slope. This is what separated the visitors from the animals in a lot of the exhibits. I was happy when old Major finally died because it meant that he was finally out of his misery.

Now, as if this dream wasn't strange enough to begin with roller blading down the interstate with a high school ex-boyfriend that I have only lukewarm feelings towards, but after we got off the interstate, everything changed and I was suddenly in an episode of Sex and the City--IN Stoneham (where the Stone Zoo is) although populated with spots that looked quite like Portland. From there it gets kind of fuzzy. I do remember that it was some strange thriller/mystery episode where someone was trying to kill of Carrie via a gorgeous new boyfriend. Or maybe it was something about getting her pregnant against her will or something. In any event, it was very odd and very confusing which is probably why I don't remember the specifics of it. I forget exactly how I fit in, but I remember finding out at the end that I was an unwitting accomplice to the whole thing and getting quite angry, especially because Miranda had been helping the bad guys do whatever it was that they were trying to do. Then I tried to commandeer a city bus to go after the little old lady (that my mind possibly based on Magdah, Miranda's nanny?) who was the head of the evilness afoot. I thought it was going to work, because I managed to flag down this empty bus that started following the other city bus that the little old lady had escaped on except that it turned out that the two bus routes just happened to follow each other for a while and then diverged and no matter what I tried, I couldn't manage to get the bus driver to follow the other bus.

And then I woke up.

Like I said, strangest dream ever.

2005-06-22

To-do list addendum

11. Buy floss

More pictures

I've been meaning to post this first one. This is what I had for dinner on Friday night at the wonderful lesbian-run place down the street where rommie's friends like to hang out and where the bartender is already calling me 'sweetheart'. It's an ahi tuna steak on herbed mashed potatoes with a spicy sea bean slaw on top. Can we say 'heavenly'? This whole fresh seafood thing is getting out of hand...in a good way.



Secondly, this sign was outside one of the bars downtown yesterday. I was a bit puzzled. (Yes, I realise that they meant 'ladies'.)

To-do Today

Objective: To gain a position in the retail or food services industry where my excellent customer service skills can be demonstrated and refined and where I can expand my experience to include more responsible positions.

I hate corporate-speak.

1. Spruce up and print more copies of my CV
2. Phone the catering company that my roommate's friend put me on the list for
3. Check out the few cafés that I haven't checked out yet
4. Check out the video rental place downtown
5. Check out the new resto opening in Old Port (Monkey: my roommate's former co-worker is going to be the bartender for Oolong and my roommate in passing knows the owner, too! It is a small town after all...)
6. Stop in at the resto that my roommate works at sometimes when she's not being cool and kayaking as they are looking both for a dishwasher and a back server
7. Check out a couple of cafés on the OTHER end of town that I hadn't thought to look at
8. Phone the phone company and find out if it's possible to get DSL without paying for a full phone service since we don't need a landline for anything else
9. Decided if I want to continue to read Something New Under the Sun: An Environmental History of the 20th Century or if I want to start rereading Wicked
10. Eat, drink and be merry

It's a good list that involves a lot of walking. Thankfully, the rain is just clearing up and the high today is an oh-so-comfortable 24C (Yes, Jeremy, I will continue to us celsius as there are far more Canadians than Americans who read my blog...mwhahahaha!). Yay for co-operative weather.

2005-06-21

Wee for free wireless

I found a new free hotspot. In a cute little park downtown, right next to the restaurant that I ate at yesterday with free wireless. Free wireless definitely rocks. Especially when you can sit outside in the GORGEOUS weather we're having today. It's currently 24C with a light breeze and 58% humidity, i.e. perfect.

I almost put an application in at Starbucks today. Almost. I have it. I started to fill it out even. I checked back at the bookstore that was hiring and they've filled the position. :( The bookstore that I really wanted to work at (Casco Bay Books) is going to be hiring, but probably not until the end of next month. And even then it'll only be part time. It seems that the manager at the other café that looked like a possibility is just never there. And still nothing from the publisher. I will likely fill out the Starbucks application even though they're not hiring at the moment. I also filled out an application for two different kitchenware stores, one of which is this place: Stonewall Kitchen. Neither of them are hiring but the semi-cute gay manager at Stonewall said 'you never know'. Oh, yes, I worked that angle. Of course, he only showed up after I'd finished filling out the application and had spent time chatting with the girls behind the counter.

The search continues....

Regis and Kelly

I hate them so. I hated them when it was Regis and Kathy Lee. Yet I can't...turn...it...off.

2005-06-20

Still unemployed

This was supposed to be easy. Alas, it has not proven to be so.

On the upside, I am still very much enjoying Maine, 'the way life should be.' People are still proving to be disarmingly friendly, but I'm getting used to it. The friendliness was fun especially this weekend at Southern Maine Pride. It was no Montreal-scale pride celebration (the parade started at noon and it was already over by the time I moseyed down about 12.45), but I made friends with one of the DJ's at the gay club. Being friends with DJ's is always a good thing, I figure.

Yesterday, my roommate and I drove up to a cottage that some friends of hers go to for a week every year about an hour and a half north of Portland on the coast. Beautiful. Wonderful. I was out on a boat for the first time in ages. We fished. I caught a mackerel. We ate it with dinner. It was yummy. I often said that I would want a house on the coast of Maine as a summer place. After yesterday, I definitely definitely do.

I need to find a job first, though. One of the bookstores that I left my CV at phoned me last week to set up an interview. I missed the guy's call and phoned the first thing the next morning. He told me that the other manager wasn't in yet and would phone me back when he did come in. I never got a call back. I went in on Thursday and the manager was on his dinner break but the fellow that I spoke to told me that they were still interviewing, so I would likely hear from them soon. As for the café, I haven't heard back from them either. Word has it, though, that the guy only hires cute little blondes, which probably means I'm shit out of luck. Even if I dyed my hair, I don't have what it takes to fit those criteria. And still nothing back from the publishing company either. Though that is likely a more proper job application process and I only responded a week ago. I would think I would hear back from them this week. Unfortunately, not even any of my roommate's resto connections seem to be panning out. *sigh*

This really needs to sort itself out sooner rather than later.

Also, posting is likely to be rather sporadic as I think my neighbours have caught on to our borrowing of their wireless internet because I've not been able to get online at home since Thursday. I'd very much like to just get our own high speed, but we don't want a landline or cable, which presents something of a problem. Right now, I'm downtown at O'Naturals, which offers both yummy food and free wi-fi.

Lastly, I finished reading Gregory Maguire's latest book, 'Mirror, Mirror' today which was decidedly 'meh'. His first two were great but these last wto have been just meh.

And that's about how I'm feeling right now: meh. I'm really tired of having nothing to do. And I need to make money.

2005-06-16

Consolidation

I just applied to consolidate my student loans thus locking in a super-low interest rate but forfeiting my grace period which would have let me not pay until November.

This means that I really need to find a job.

Of course, it's only a hundred and something dollars that I have to pay...over the next twenty years on the standard pay-back schedule. They of course stress that you can always send them more money if you want to.

I've always wanted to be a carni...

:CARNIVAL HELP - Now - Oct 15. traveling in, MA, ME, & NH. Must be over 18. call 877-343-7821


(note the sarcasm with which I type this)

2005-06-14

Pictures!

I got my little Bluetooth dongle for my computer today so that I can transfer things between my phone and my laptop. I now have 'Secret Agent Man' as my ringtone. And I now have pictures to show you! This thing doesn't take bad little pictures all things considered. I took a little video, too, of the ocean, but I need to find somewhere to host it, as Flickr only does pictures as I far as I know.

Ocean!



Timmy's! (I don't know why the first one is so small)





On Sunday, I saw this guy on Commercial Street, which is the street that runs along the waterfront. He was wearing a lobster costume. It's not very well centred because it was taken from a moving vehicle.



And just for comparison sake, here is my old phone, lounging before I sent it off to be recycled by Motorola--it served me well and faithfully for four years.



And, here is my new phone, artfully self-photographed in the bathroom mirror.

2005-06-13

Old Orchard Beach

I forgot to mention that I went to Old Orchard Beach yesterday....and so many of the signs in the shops and all the signs at the putt-putt golf place we went to where bilingual--English and FRENCH! A sign in one of the shops said 'Nous parlons français. Bienvenue atous (sic) les quebecois'

Maybe they serve poutine somewhere!

I could do this!

Category: General Help

Description:Driver /Operator DUMP TRUCK /EQUIPMENT

FULL TIME -$600/WK

CALL (207) 878-9675

Area contractor seeking Ind. to handle job site equipment operation and some transfer between sites. J#201, E1, $175, CDL, HIRING!


Now I want you all to join me in laughing.

Seriously, though, there was a job posted for a CSR position at a small but growing educational publishing company here in Portland. I COULD do that. And am going to email them my CV today. If I get that job, the Bookstore totally has to start pushing their books to the Education Faculty so that you guys can have an excuse to phone me!
this is an audio post - click to play

2005-06-11

*snicker*

One of the bloggers I read is going on vacation, and mentions this about his dogs in his goodbye post:

Satchmo and Beckham will be spending the week at their vet. Four years ago we boarded Satchmo with his vet and took the opportunity to have him 'fixed'. Since that time we have explained to him over and over that he was at a 'spa' and they lost his 'luggage'. He's still not buying it.

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes.

It's about frickin' time. I've been reading rumours about a 'Rent' movie in the making for ever! It's being directed by Chris Columbus which makes me wonder how good it will actually be, but it has the original Broadway cast and the trailer looks quite good.

My roommate is going to flip when I she wakes up and I show her this. The first time I saw Rent was with her in high school and we were so crazy about it!

'The' Gay Club

So, I got home not too long ago from THE gay club in Portland, Styxx. (Not the River. There's an extra X there.) It was fairly dead which, my friend promised, is not the case on Saturdays. I'll have to take her word for it now. The music was meh. There were a LOT of sandals being worn. I don't care how laid back this place is, wearing sandals to go out dancing is just dumb. I was really confused when they made last call, as it was only quarter to one. Oh, right, bars close at one here.

Apparently Boston Pride is tomorrow and Portland Pride is next week. We have the opportunity to go with new roomie's friends to Boston Pride tomorrow, but I just don't feel settled enough to leave. Plus, I don't have an ATM card yet and am low on cash. Instead, we'll stay here, take advantage of the roomie's car to go to Target and such to work on getting important things like a spice rack and a tea kettle.

It's ten to two, and I'm wide awake. One! Bars close at one here! What on earth?! Apparently there are 'after hours' places. At least, roomie suggested that there were. I can only imagine what they're like....but if it means I can dance until a respectable hour to good music, then I'm game. Imagine, I never would have thought to go to after hours in MTL because of the cost and the time of night. Here, it seems only too obvious to go.

Oh, that was the other thing: I bought a vodka tonic for myself and a beer for her, and it only cost me $7.50. That's not so bad, I guess. Still, I'd much rather be at the Bamboo Room right now--even on Babysitting Friday--than at the kitchen table writing this.

I chose this. I knew it wouldn't be like Montreal. Give it time.

This is what I keep telling myself.

2005-06-10

Timmy Ho's!

I went out to the mall today. It was about as exciting as malls tend to be. I failed in my quest, which was to buy a USB Bluetooth adapter so that I can transfer things between my new phone and my computer. If I had not failed, I would be able to post pictures to prove that there is indeed a Tim Hortons here--I even had lunch there! AND it's a 24 hour drive through Tim Hortons (not that this does me any good, not having a car and all).

On my way home, two cute Mormons tried to pick me up. No, not THAT way, but it's more fun to think of it that way. I told them that I would ask God about Joseph Smith tonight in my prayers and dodged giving them my phone number, claiming that I didn't have one yet.

Sometimes I'm just too nice. I feel like an ass to blow people off, though.

Technology and Social Clock

My new phone whines when its battery gets low. It makes this sort of plaintive, sad sound every five minutes almost as if it's saying, 'Hey, you. Person carrying me. I'm low on energy. Could you plug me in? Please? I really don't ask much. ... Hey, remember me? Your trusty little phone? I need some juice. Can you please plug me in?'

Also, I need to readjust my social clock. Bars close here at 1. And almost nothing is open after 8 it seems, except restos and bars. Not even cafés. I went out last night around 8.30 figuring I'd find a café to haunt for a while and none of them were open!

2005-06-09

Welcome to the...Twilight Zone

The mailwoman (mailperson?) just rang up because she had mail for me but my name wasn't on the tag downstairs. She wanted to make sure that the mail was addressed properly and offered to add my name to the tag.

Creepy friendliness.

Also, I haven't gotten nearly enough responses from those of you who I sent out my change of address to as to whether or not you want a post card!

And if I didn't send you an email but you read this and you want a post card from Portland then let me know! Don't leave your address in the comments, obviously, but email me!

Is it a bad sign...

...that I had a dream last night that a year and a half had passed and that the 2006 Congressional elections had happened and that the Republicans had actually gained larger majorities in both the House and Senate? And in this dream, it was like waking up from a dream and realising that I had somehow not paid any attention to what had been going on.

There was also a weird dream about the fridge (but not the freezer) and the stove getting sucked into a black hole on the wall behind them.

Still trying to settle in mentally, I guess. I don't expect that to happen over night.

And for something completely different, thanks to fellow Groovester, I am listening to something off this blog (NOT A WORK SAFE LINK) right now. It's, um, well. It's different. It would actually be really funny if I actually had an iPod and had some kind of really long commute to know that I was listening to this on the bus while everyone around me was reading their papers or whatever.

2005-06-08

An ice cream truck!

An ice cream truck just went by my apartment! How exciting!

And, I made a friend today at the laundramat, where I was almost all day, catching up on the back-log of laundry. Yay!

The unpacking continues. I've got the bookshelf up and the books for the summer unpacked. There are a few that I need to fish out of the other boxes of books that are going to go into storage. I changed my mind about not having them here and since I took them all with me, I may as well get them. I'll have my dad come up as soon as he can to take them back to Mass-a-two-shits so they aren't taking up too much room.

In other news, my new mobile can not only take pictures, it can also take video! I don't know why I'd need to be able to capture video with my PHONE but apparently I might need to.

There is distressingly little counter space in the kitchen here. Less than in my old apartment--and there wasn't much there, so you can only imagine. PLUS, the fridge and stove are on one side of the front door and the sink and counters and cabinets are on the other side, and up a bit because of where the bathroom is. Which means that the prep area is something like two metres from the cooking area. Dumb dumb dumb. Clearly someone who doesn't cook designed this kitchen.

There is also virtually no cabinet space. I miss the pantry of infinity that was in the old apartment. We need to find a shelving solution for the kitchen. Desperately. Also a surface area solution. Some sort of tray on wheels wouldn't be bad. Not necessarily even on wheels. Just something that can stand next to the prep area and get brought over to the stove.

Also, I need to have a very serious talk with my friend when she comes back from her little camping/training adventure on a topic that might very well determine the fate of this little roommate experiment. SHE HAS NO SPICES IN THE HOUSE! (aside from salt, pepper and chilli powder) Now, I've been criticised sometimes in the past for the lack of spices I've used in my own cooking, but that was mostly because I was still working on learning how to cook myself, trying to figure out how things tasted without spices and trying to figure out what spices would do to the flavour of things. I'm still learning, of course, but have definitely broadened my spice horizons.

In any event, I foresee a trip to Target this weekend as I need to buy a coffee grinder anyway. I suspect she's just not a big cooker. That will change, however, if I have anything to say about it....

Back to unpacking!

What have I gotten myself into?

This poster is being run on commuter trains in Maryland. No, really. I don't even know where to begin...

The Newest Adventure

As the previous post stated, I’m here, I’m alive and the move went relatively well. As the two before that attest to, the pre-move of my roommates went less than well. For a full description of that, see Caspian’s blog. The only thing that he leaves out of his post is that at about 7pm I started really freaking out and absented myself from the apartment, which I wrote about in one of my earlier posts.

By the time we got my stuff packed into the truck (which took under half of the space--and this was no giant U-Haul: it was one of those little 10' ones) and cleaned the apartment up and packed up the remaining things that were Caspian and Nadia's and got them to NDG and unloaded them, the sun was just about up. I had originally wanted to leave Montreal at 10am but we all got to bed after 4am, the move having taken about 12 hours longer than we expected.

So, Caspian and I climbed into the truck at around 1.30pm and set off South-East.

Once we were outside the city, the traffic was almost non-existant and once we crossed the border into the States, the roads were virtually empty.

Despite the truck's size, it actually handled fairly well. I did grow up driving a boat-sized Lincoln Town Car, so I had some experience with big things, but this, obviously, was a bit larger than even that. And yet, it had good breaks and good pick-up and handled easily.

The drive itself was quite nice and Caspian didn't seem to mind playing to role of annoying passenger, especially as we drove through the White Mountains National Forest in New Hampshire, along the 302.

'Ooh! Look at that! And that! And that!'

'I can't,' I would grumble. 'I'm driving along this little two-lane road through mountains. I need to make sure we don't drive off a cliff!'

Still, what I could see was quite gorgeous. We stopped at one of the scenic outlooks not too long after having left the Forest and shortly before entering North Conway. So much green. And there were big puffy clouds along with storm clouds that seemed to threaten us most of the way (although we managed to avoid any really serious rain).

We got into Portland around 9pm which was about right, considering our stop for lunch and a few stretching/potty/coffee breaks along the way as well.

And then I found out that my friend lives on the THIRD FLOOR of her building. We'd just spent the previous day going up and down two flights of stairs moving Cas and Nad out of the old apartment. Ugh. We unloaded my stuff fairly quickly and then Kristin popped open champagne, which is always a bad idea for me on an empty stomach. I drank it anyway, as it seemed appropriate. My tummy wasn't too happy, but I survived and it was more the fatigue than anything else, I think.

We went out for some dinner and a pint of local brew, which was quite nice. And then went home and passed out.

K left early next morning to head back to the island. I had wanted to sleep in, but of course couldn't. Cas and I lazed around for a bit and then went to return the truck and to explore around a bit.

The first thing I noticed about this city is all the brick! Brick everywhere! Even the sidewalks are brick! Not yellow brick, mind you, the more typical red brick. It's a welcome change, I guess, from Montreal concrete. Caspian suggested that Portland looks like a cross between Halifax, Moncton and Ottawa. I figure he's probably about right, though I've only ever been to Ottawa. It does have a very East Coast port feel to it (imagine that, eh?).

So far, I have no complaints. It's no Montreal, that's for sure--and I knew that, obviously. I still have very mixed feelings about being back in the States, but those will probably persist for quite a long time, I would imagine. While browsing in one of the bookstores that I dropped off a CV at yesterday, I came across on of Bill Bryson's books, 'I'm A Stranger Here Myself' which is about his return to the States after two decades in Britain. Granted, 5 years isn't quite the same as two decades, but for me it might as well be. I've bumped that up to 'Next' on my reading list. It was published a decade ago now, but I suspect that it will be an interesting read all the same.

I'm still trying to digest a lot of images and sounds and feelings so I think I'll leave it here for now.

2005-06-05

Arrival!

I'm here. Alive. Went well. Details later.

2005-06-04

It should have been over by now

I've been up since about six. Had to go to the boonies to pick up my cute little U-Haul. Have been working on moving the roomies since about 11. They were, um, kind of packed. I'm much more kind of packed than they are. I just need to take apart my Ikea furniture and finish packing my clothes. It's madness at the apartment right now and I have absented myself because I just couldn't handle it. I'll have to go back eventually as I have to drive the truck to the new apartment. I really really really hope that it's just one more trip with their stuff and then we can pack up my stuff and I can go to sleep. It won't be a very good sleep, but it will be sleep nonetheless. I think I'm going to head back to the apartment now, actually, and see where they're at. I may try to get in a cat nap--though at this point, I doubt I'd wake up again.

Into the storm

There's a dark cloud rising from the desert floor
I packed my bags and I'm heading straight into the storm
Gonna be a twister to blow everything down
That ain't got the faith to stand its ground
Blow away the dreams that tear you apart
Blow away the dreams that break your heart
Blow away the lies that leave you nothing but lost and broken-hearted

The dogs on Main Street howl 'cause they understand
If I could take one moment into my hands
Mister I ain't a boy, no I'm a man
And I believe in a promised land


Son, look at all the people in this restaurant
What do you think they weigh?
And out the window to the parking lot
At their SUV's taking all the space

They give no fuck
They talk as loud as they want
They give no fuck
Just as long as there's enough for them

Gonna get on the microphone down at Wal-Mart
Talk about some shit that's been on my mind
Talk of the state of this great nation of ours
People look to your left
Yeah, look to your right

They give no fuck
They buy as much as they want
They give no fuck
Just as long as there's enough for them

Son, look at the people lining up for plastic
Wouldn't you like to see them in the National Geographic?
Squatting bare assed in the dirt eating rice from a bowl
With a towel on their head, and maybe a bone in their nose

See that asshole with the peace sign on his license plate?
Giving me the finger and running me out of his lane
God made us number one because he loves us the best
Well he should go bless someone else for a while
Give us a rest

(They give no)
Yeah, and everyone can see
(They give no)
We've eaten all that we can eat


We knew all the answers
And we shouted them like anthmes
Anxious and suspicious
That God knew how much we cheated

...

There's no indication of
What we were meant to be
Sucking up to strangers
Throwing wishes to the sea


Everybody knows
It sucks to grow up
And everybody does
It's so weird to be back here
Let me tell you what
The years go on and
We're still fighting it, we're still fighting it


Peut-être qu'il faut s'enfuir loin de son passé
Toujours partir afin de mieux se retrouver

...

Good bye à mes vieux amis
En vérité je vous le dis
Je mets ma vie à l'heure


This will likely be the last entry I write from Montreal.

I have to meet my dad in an hour so he can drive me to Vaurdreuil to pick up my U-Haul. Frickin' Vaudreuil!

I'm still not finished packing. I'll come back here, pick up my roommate and drive to her parents' place on the South Shore to pick up some stuff there to drop off at their new place. Then the day begins.

I'm exhausted and over-emotional which would explain my sobbing right now. I keep telling myself that this is what I have to do, but it's so difficult to leave everything I've known and loved for the past five years. To leave the first place that I've truly felt at home and comfortable with myself. Part of me feels like I'm making the biggest mistake of my life, that I should have just said Fuck off to the US and applied for residency here in Canada.

Yet there's that other part of me that keeps saying that I have to go back. I'm not even sure why anymore. Part of me thinks I'll get so fed up within a month that I'll come running back to Montreal.

I'll leave tomorrow morning, Portland-bound.

Every time I've left this city over the past five years, I've gotten a sinking feeling in my stomach, worried that I'd never see Montreal again. I think that sinking feeling is going to be big enough to swallow me whole tomorrow.

There are new adventures on the horizon, I keep telling myself, and that if I'm meant to be here, my road will lead me back here.

But it's so difficult to listen to yourself when you're so unconvinced of what you're saying.

2005-06-03

Yesterday

Convocation was a blur. The honorary degree recipient, Veronica Tennant, was horribly full of herself and about 90% of her speech was about how wonderful she was. One of my favourite profs got the Faculty of Arts teaching award. I almost cried six times and barely kept myself under control during 'O Canada' at the end.

Dinner last night was at Au Pied de Cochon and was, I think, food-wise, the most amazing dinner I've had in my five years here in Montréal. We shared a foie gras poutine for an entrée and then I had the Duck in a Can, where they literally put into a can and have it sealed half a breast of duck, foie gras, garlic, thyme, other stuff that I don't remember and then cook the can, which they bring to your table, open and dump onto your plate, which has mashed potatoes on it. The duck melts in your mouth, and all of the seasonings make the mashed potatoes into a sort of gooey yumminess. I couldn't finish it, but I didn't want to stop eating. Cooler than my dinner, though, was my roommate who had--get this--sting ray! Way too salty for my tastes, but she loved it. I kind of wanted to get one of their seafood platters just for the presentation alone (picture a 3-tiered sort-of plate tree overflowing with seafood, crab legs all akimbo jutting up from the top tier), but I figured that seafood is going to get really familiar really quickly in Maine so I should get something that I wouldn't normally. Hence the Duck in a Can.

As if this all wasn't enough, I then had to go to Mado to meet some friends for drinks. They're probably going to come visit me in a few weeks when they're in Boston, so it wasn't really a good bye so much as an à bientôt. Still, it's not as if I can phone them up to see if they want to go out for drinks. And I'll miss all of their wonderful parties. And I'll miss them, of course, too.

The packing continues today along with administrative things like closing my bank account and making sure that the University don't try to direct deposit my last pay cheque. As I have not had the time to rent it, I think I'm just going to buy Premier Juillet and enjoy it once I get settled in Maine. I managed never actually to move on 1st July, but it seems an appropriate memento to have of my time here all the same, along with my Denys Arcand films--I still wish I'd graduated last year so that I could have had Denys Arcand as my graduation speaker, especially now after mine sucked.

At any rate, I should go start my day or perhaps try to sleep a bit more before starting my day.

So much to do, so little time.

2005-06-02

Free Will Astrology

Y'know, I was enjoying his horoscopes. This one, though...well, it does seem to fit, admittedly.

The state of New Hampshire's symbol used to be the Old Man of the Mountain. Carved from rock by a glacier 30,000 years ago, it was a series of granite ledges that jutted out of a mountain in the shape of an old man's face. It was a top tourist attraction, and its image appeared on numerous state souvenirs. But in May 2003, it collapsed overnight, weakened by millennia of freezing and thawing. According to my reading of the astrological omens, Cancerian, this event has resemblances to an imminent disintegration in your own life. Like the original, your experience might be sad, but mostly for nostalgic reasons. No one will get hurt, and ultimately you'll feel exhilarated as you pick a new symbol to inspire you.

2005-06-01

The big day

There's a high of 29 tomorrow. I'll be in a suit and a polyester robe under a tent in the middle of the afternoon. I'm going to DIE!